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Ok, so this shit is funny in that I am disturbed and yet laughing anyways kind of way.  It is so melancholy in a very ‘Artsy French Cinema’ fashion.  Just so you guys know, the humor of this may not appeal to everyone and it is probably NSFW.  But don’t worry about Jean-Claude, he recovers well enough to get with 22 year olds when he is a whopping 48!  Well… he recovers well enough to give it a valiant effort anyways.  Wellllll…actually his effort is mostly cringe inducing.

Anywho — Here is the video!

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jean-claude-van-damme-3z

Seriously, he must.  His peen is probably falling off.  He hits on everything that moves!  Recently he was doing an interview with 22 year old Sarah Ball of Newsweek about his new movie JCVD, which is all about himself…fascinating.  The married (to wifey number five), 48 year old actor, took the opportunity to stop talking about his movie and blatantly hit on the young journalist.

There s a monologue in the film about being a washed-up action star. Did you improvise that?
I like structure—like driving: go past the school on the street, stay on the right side, no hitting the car, go in right, you’ll see a big church, stop and take a left, and you’ll have it. By doing this I’m giving a structure of life, a path of light, and showing what happens between me and me, which is something very beautiful.

Beautiful? Why?
I really opened myself up in “JCVD.” I peeled back the skin of the fruit, cut the pulp and then took that very hard seed. In this film I cut that hard seed, and inside that seed was a kind of liquid cream substance of the man I am, or the woman you are.

OK
It was like being naked—I would love to be naked in front of you.

Well, I
Not being naked being naked. I say such things in Hong Kong and they thought I was being a crazy Frenchman. Being naked of protection.

So you ve no regrets at all?
Believe me—I’ve done very good stuff and very crazy stuff, and I don’t regret the crazy stuff. So are you in New York?

Yes, I am.
And are you 27, or 32?

I m 22.
Oh, f–––. That is very young. Will you come to the premiere?

I don t know. When is it?
I don’t know. You will wear all black, a black dress and high heels?

Uh
You can come find me, I will be the one with the very broad shoulders, dark hair and a simple suit. We can have some champagne, you and me.

All I have to say after that is: Really?  Really?  How often does this work for you?  Cause this is really not smooth.  It just makes me want to vomit in my mouth.  Tsk.

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